Dare to dream

Fear: The Gateway to Your Destiny

It was 2005 and I had just finished film school. I was a broke and indebted college graduate living in LA, The City of Dreams. The air was electric with possibilities. It seemed as though at any moment you could meet the “right person” and suddenly your life would be headed in a new and exciting trajectory.

I, however, was waking up from mid-afternoon naps, unemployed, in full-blown panic attacks, believing my entire world would crumble out from under me and imagining myself living on the street down by the Venice boardwalk.

Over the next year, I worked as a production assistant on multiple reality shows and eventually left the industry to become the personal assistant to a motivational speaker.

"I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, but I knew that I wanted to leave a positive impact."

I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, but I knew that I wanted to leave a positive impact.

As a personal assistant, I traveled the US and the world, meeting with influencers, dignitaries, and good, wholesome people. I heard so many inspiring stories and watched people experience what I deem “Life miracles.”

With all the exposure to magnificent stories of people living out their dreams, I found myself feeling depressed, hopeless, and with little will to live.

At that time, my employer gave me room and board in his home and a small salary that amounted to about $5 an hour when you averaged out the hours I worked monthly. (I had no boundaries, but that’s another story.)

I couldn’t see a way out of my circumstances. I felt incredibly powerless to create a life that I ACTUALLY wanted to live.

The Realization That Changed Everything

In 2008, at 25 years old, I had an epiphany. I realized that fear was the gateway between me and the destiny of who I was created to be. In the midst of feeling so small and inadequate in life, I suddenly saw this daunting gate built out of finely woven fears that kept me from taking risks and trying new things.

I was suddenly aware of how fear had dominated my every decision. How my first questions whenever I dared to dream was, “What if it doesn’t work out? What if I fail? What will people think of me?”

"For every dream or desire that stirred in my heart, I had a “logical fear” for why I shouldn’t try."

For every dream or desire that stirred in my heart, I had a “logical fear” for why I shouldn’t try.

I had spent years shutting myself down with imagined scenarios that never did and never would happen.

Most of us believe that if we have enough fear, we will protect ourselves from the worst-case scenarios as if fear is a protective caretaker and a magical superpower.

I was at a crossroads, having to accept that fear was the reason I wasn’t fully living my life. I would have to pass through this daunting gateway, or I would continue to live shackled by its lies, living out the rest of my life eeking by and waking up one day only to realize I wasted my precious time on this planet.

That day I committed to facing my greatest fears no matter what it cost me.

Up until that point, bowing to fear had already cost me hope, joy, and a life of fulfillment. Facing my greatest fears couldn’t have be much worse.

 

Taking the Leap into Fear

In the next few months, at the peak of the 2008 economic crash, I got married to my now-wife Abi, quit my job, and took off on an unplanned six-month road trip around the United States. I spent the next six months living in Burbank, California, jobless and running out of money.

I faced my fear of marriage, being out of control, not having a job or money, and not knowing how I would make ends meet. I faced my deafening fear of inadequacy and powerlessness. I faced my fear of feeling like a failure.

What I discovered is that I wasn’t so fragile. I wasn’t alone in this world. I wasn’t a failure for not knowing everything and not having all the answers. I was loved and cared for in ways that transcended what my wife or family could give. I began to relax and learn how to trust. I started learning how to be present in the moment right in front of me.

Prior to this season, I spent years ruminating on my past, thinking about everything I had done wrong and how I should have done things differently. I simultaneously looped in my head about all the bad things that could happen in a future that wasn’t promised to me.

"Facing my fears meant I had to let go of living in my past and stop focusing my attention on the future. It meant I had to start living in the now."

Facing my fears meant I had to let go of living in my past and stop focusing my attention on the future. It meant I had to start living in the now.

 

Embracing "The Grace of One Day"

In my travels during my first year of marriage, I met a man who evolved from an acquaintance into a father figure and a friend. This sage, who had already spent years facing his greatest fears, presented a challenge to me that I also present to you today.

He said to me, “Justin, stop future tripping. You keep traveling to a future that’s not promised, imagining fantasy scenarios that may never happen rather than living in the grace of one day. We only have enough grace for today.

"You don’t have the grace to overcome problems that haven’t happened. It’s only in the moment, when those challenges arise that the grace to face them makes itself known."

You don’t have the grace to overcome problems that haven’t happened. It’s only in the moment, when those challenges arise that the grace to face them makes itself known.

If you’ve ever lost a loved one or something significant, wasting your time future-tripping about it happening leaves you feeling like it’s too big to face, but when it actually happens, a special grace shows up that gets us through it. People we didn’t know show up to help us grieve, grow, and heal. With time, circumstances present themselves to help us repair and restore the things that feel broken by these difficulties.

Living in the grace of one day frees us from unnecessary fears, allowing a sense of trust to settle our souls. This mindset helps us focus on dreaming of what we want instead of wasting time imagining what we don’t.

 

Love is the Key!

Looking back I can see that my greatest fear was facing judgment from the man in the mirror.

"My journey of learning how to face my fears and live out my dreams has required me to forgive, love, and accept Justin."

My journey of learning how to face my fears and live out my dreams has required me to forgive, love, and accept Justin.

Through embracing a lifestyle of self-acceptance that transcends the self-condemnation that once kept me living a timid and small life I’ve become my own greatest advocate, and I no longer fear what others might think or say because I will always be on my own team.

This has allowed me to leap and fail forward without having to brace for some self-inflicted punishment.  When I drop the ball and make a mess out of something, there is now abundant kindness, gentleness, and patience, because facing your fear makes ample room for love.

 

Fear is a Bat-Signal

At this stage of my life, when I think about the fear that’s governed it, I don’t resent its presence; in fact, I’m rather thankful for it. Fear has become something of a “Bat-Signal” that lets me know that there’s a dream or an expression of myself that is hidden and waiting to be revealed. It helps me to identify where I need to aim my energy and efforts if I want to experience a more fuller expression of life.

With the presence of self-love that I’ve cultivated along the way, this “Bat-Signal” isn’t all that intimidating. I find myself having an odd sense of peace and excitement whenever it flashes because I’m confident that I can overcome whatever fear I’m up against.

Now, nearly two decades later, I sit here writing out these thoughts, thinking about the tremendous adventures I’ve been on, the people I’ve impacted, and the amazing opportunities I’ve had. Through this process, I’ve seen some of the most amazing dreams fulfilled.

"Facing my greatest fears, no matter what it cost me, was the most instrumental decision I could have ever made, and I have no regrets, only gratitude."

Facing my greatest fears, no matter what it cost me, was the most instrumental decision I could have ever made, and I have no regrets, only gratitude. And looking back, I didn’t just face my fears… I learned how to come alive.

-Justin Stumvoll